


A Toast To Life And Death

by InterGalacticKnight



Category: Call of Duty
Genre: M/M, a slight vent, feelsfic, ghost horribly in love, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterGalacticKnight/pseuds/InterGalacticKnight
Summary: A soft moment between my boys written in my now vastly more knowledgeable military info point
Relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley
Comments: 5
Kudos: 44





	A Toast To Life And Death

**Author's Note:**

> I get let out of Fort Jackson and what’s the first shit I do? You bet. Gay COD fic.

Ghost let his head fall forward, hands rubbing his face as he let another long held breath leave his lungs. Next to him sat Soap, currently occupied with a bottle of scotch and two shot glasses the man must have smuggled in after the last time they went off base. 

The wind was cold, but it felt new as the relief sank in that they had finally cracked the code and taken down Makarov and Shepard respectively. It didn’t change the fact Simon still had a bullet wound in his chest, that Roach was covered in burns, that Price and Soap both had to face a fight they never dreamed of getting sunk into. 

It didn’t change that all these men couldn’t look any leader in the face again and instantly trust them like years of militant protocol had taught them. 

No, it taught them to have an edge sharper then the knives they wielded. Taught them to perceive every situation as if their death waited for them at the end, it didn’t give them a chance to sleep and dream of easy days ahead. It left them broken and traumatized well beyond the legal limit if there even was one, it took them and cut away the last strings of finely strung innocence they didn’t know they had. 

The glasses clinked together and Ghost was out of his mind again as he watched Soap uncork the bottle with his teeth with an odd sort of finesse that screamed “alcoholic”. The glasses were sat on the ground they sat on, amber liquid hastily poured into them, the moons light reflecting off it like jewels. 

The bottle was sat down next to Soaps knee as his noticeably shaking hands picked up the two shot glasses, he offered one out and Ghost took it. Swirled around the small amount of alcohol as he eyed it suspiciously, it was probably the most strong and putrid shit Soap could get his hands on, that was always to be expected when drinking with the Captain. 

Soap held up the small glass, Ghost mirrored him with familiarity of the tradition the Captain often held. 

A toast to life and death. 

The cusp they often found themselves walking these days as the bullets flew by closer and the grandes blew up nearer. It was impossible to not hold a respect for the cosmic forces at work that kept them alive, made sure they were still cards in the game. 

They tipped the glasses back, swallowing the burning liquid. Soap didn’t have a single issue, Ghost coughed hard a few times before holding the small glass out. Soap took it, his touch on the Lieutenants hand lingering for a split second before the ritual glasses were set onto the ground next to the bottle. 

“You know some day it’s just going to be one of us takin’ that fucking foul liquid down.” Soap said softly, his eyes roving the horizon for some sense of comfort in the blackened sky. 

“Aye, and I’ll make bloody sure it’s you cause fuck knows death is better then that shit.” Ghost hummed as he slid one leg up, looking over his knee like an iron sight. Soap huffed a laugh and let his hand fall on Ghosts thigh, giving it a grounding squeeze. 

“You can’t leave me behind mate, you know I’m shite without you.” The brunette said it softly, hesitancy ebbing at it as he let his head thump back on the building they leaned against. Ghost hummed and moved his hand to rest on top of the Captains, he noted how cold the other mans fingers felt and wrapped his hand around them, wishing to provide a small bit of warmth. 

“Shite is a soft word, try disaster.” The playful tone Ghost tried to set was noticed by the smile that tugged at the other mans face. Soap leaned to his left, his head coming to rest on Ghosts shoulder. 

“I don’t think I can ever love someone the way I love you.” The words made the Lieutenants heart swell, Soap was always willing to let himself be so vulnerable and open in his presence, he truly wished he could emulate it back. 

“And love is a very strong word.” Ghost slowly let his head come to rest on top of Soaps, his eyes fell shut and he wished he could freeze time and savor this moment for far longer then he knew he would be universally allowed too. But the winds soft breath against their skin caused no disturbances, and no gunshots were sounding off, so it seemed the world would allow him this momentary peace. 

“Not strong enough.” Soaps hand was fidgety in Ghosts grasp before the man intertwined their fingers together. The blonde cracked his eyes open to stare at it, to take a mental screenshot. 

Their legs outstretched, torn up boots on their feet, camo uniform pants on them, there sat perfectly on top however were their hands interlocked. An odd, deeply symbolic gesture that hinted at how despite the most unfortunate and uncomfortable of circumstances- two people no matter what rank, race, gender, religion- all that shit aside. Two people inevitably ended up finding one another in some fate bound destiny and fall hopelessly in love. 

It was fucked up kinda, Ghost imagined it was another game the universe played on him. Sure, let him find love, but make it be a man he technically has no business loving and a man who technically has none loving him back. Let them be plop fucking squat in the middle of wars they never even knew existed till a briefing they all got on an unforgettable Sunday night. 

Let it be two people who know no better any feeling of comfort then they do the grip of a gun, let it whip them out of nowhere and toss them into a relentless spiral. Let it be two people who could die on different ends of the world and would never know it happened till some poor Private was sent to be the angel of death and harbinger the awful news to them over a shitty walki talki. 

It wasn’t fair the world they lived in, but then again when was life ever fair to people who wanted nothing more then to sink into the ignorance of sweet romance and love. 

Ghost tightens his grip, he has to pull himself back to reality before his brain forces him to remember too much, to think too deeply. 

“You alright, love?” Soaps voice broke the silence as he shifted to look up at the Lieutenant, who had coincidentally just noticed the hot wetness making a break down his face. Ghost shook his head, swallowed and opened his mouth just wanting to spill it all out, to profess everything he ever wanted in a long and growing gospel to this man before him- but instead- 

“I just want us to be free of all this fuckin’ shite. I just want to fuckin’ love you and be safe with you.” The words tumbled free along with the tears they hid behind them. Ghosts free hand raising to rub against his eye, blurring his vision to darkness. He heard Soap mutter his name softly, in the way a mother would to her child when they cried over something small. 

“Nobody said you can’t do that now, Simon.” Soaps hand pulled free of the grasp that Ghost had on it as he used both to cup the mans face, maneuvering his position to swing his legs over the blondes lap, able to scoot himself closer and give the shield to the world Ghost needed to feel so desperately right now. 

“Nobody said it but it’s pretty obvious, yah? We live in a constant war zone which was never a fuckin’ issue for me since god knows back then I didn’t give two shits if I lived or died.” Ghost pressed his face deeper into the soft, doting touches of the other man. 

“But then I met you and fuckin’ hell, was like all that passive aggressive suicidal shit in me died and all I want now is to live. To leave all this needless shit behind and just- do some bloody stupid shit like own a car and do my taxes.” Ghosts eyes didn’t miss the soft smile that formed on Soaps face for a moment. It made the blondes chest hurt. He loved this man too much for his own good. 

“Simon love, you know with all this shite over they have no reason to keep the 141 active, and with Price opting to go on his own path I doubt I’ll be sticking around much longer.” Soaps hands slid down to massage softly at the tense muscles of Ghosts shoulders, the Lieutenant sighed and let his forehead come to rest on the other mans, his eyes sliding shut once again. 

“Would you be mad if I retired? Would you even do it yourself?” The forbidden words to every military official who actually liked their job now sounded very nice to Ghost. He didn’t fear leaving this chapter of his life behind, he didn’t fear starting over. After all who would he be if he didn’t make a new identity for himself at least 7 times in his whole life. 

Ghost himself was no stranger to change, as much of an enigma people liked to make him out to be, he was quite simple at his roots. All he ever wanted was a home and someone to live in it with, someone to give him gentle touches where he never got them, and to teach him the disgustingly simplistic domestic lifestyle he was never allowed to live. 

It was a dream he kept a secret as everything else in his past, under the safe lock and key of his mind. He didn’t need all the excess shit, he never wanted kids or to have some crazy desk job everyone was jealous of, he just wanted a place to lay his head next to the person he loved where he could wake up and not be swallowed by the constant paranoia of death at his doorstep. 

“Why would I be mad for you wantin’ the same damn thing I’m talkin’ about?” Soap moves his arms to wrap them around Ghosts body and to pull the man into a tight hug, Ghost let out a shuddering breath as he sat his chin on Soaps shoulder, tilting his head to push it closer to his lovers. 

“Because the world likes to play a shitty game with me.” Was all he had for a response before he let himself be putty in the other mans arms. All Ghost could do now was sit and let his senses be overwhelmed with the presence of Soap. The way he smelled like the highschooler body wash that he stole from Roach, the way he fit so perfectly against Ghosts body, the way his hair always formed a weird cowlick on the back of his head that tickled Ghosts temple. 

Small things that consumed him like a tidal wave, he could drown in Soap for all he cared, it would be a better death then anything else he could devise. This man was the most peaceful and rambunctious person in his day to day life, a flame he could never quite snuff no matter what he attempted to extinguish it with. 

Soap absolutely refused to let Ghost hole himself up in his room with nothing but rations and a pistol till another mission came along. He refused to let the blonde waste away in a decaying mess of the man he used to be and the man the military wanted him to be. Ghost avidly described himself as something the military ordered off the internet and was half disappointed with him upon arrival but was happy to find good use in his experience with killing with no hesitation. 

The passive aggressive self deprecating humor wasn’t the only mask Ghost wore, and Soap was quick to tear down all those walls too, along with any other shitty barrier the Lieutenant tried to put up hastily. Ghost owed the sanity he had now found, the desire to live he discovered, anything and everything positive and good he owed it to Soap. 

“I love you too much.” Ghost said softly against the skin of the Captains neck, watching the way the skin there rose to bumps from his breath. He noted the shiver that racked the other mans body, and let his hand trail to dip under them hem of Soaps shirt, massaging at the soft flesh of his hip. 

“And I love you more, still.” Soap said back softly, making a weak attempt to scoot closer so he could fully lean on Ghost. Letting the blonde free of his embrace he busied his hands with wiping away the tears he didn’t realize were on his own face. 

“When do you want to leave?” Ghost said with a soft voice. He knew nobody knew they were out here, nobody could hear or see them, yet it still felt like they were discussing the plot to take over the world. It was a dangerous world these days for people who loved one another, especially in the military, it may be hard to believe but- the good guys aren’t always the good guys. 

“Give it two weeks, we are on a grace period till they decide what to do with us and brigade legal sorts though our cases. Also still want to be here when Price departs, old man can’t leave without a proper goodbye.” Soap sighed and leaned more against Ghost, pushing into the arm that snaked its way around his waist, gripping him like a lifeline. 

Ghost nodded, moved so he could press a kiss to Johns head, he held it for a moment longer before breaking it and looking at his wristwatch, the faint green number illuminated their time spent playing civilian. “We should head inside aye? Gettin’ late.” Soap muttered as he glanced at the watch himself. 

“Yeah, good things always end.” Ghost huffed as he have one last tight squeeze to the man in his embrace. 

“For now, but not for much longer, love.”


End file.
